I stopped watching athletics because I believe that it is full of drugs and corruption. And having poo pooed the London Games as a corporate £fest at the tax payers expense I sat back and waited for it to go away.
I do feel this way about the whole thing, but underlying this is also a sense of inadequacy on my own part. As my own hope for sporting glory ebbed away into my madness, so took its place a bitterness that choked the grace of seeing others succeed and being happy for them. If they did succeed it was ill deserved.
My anger at the ‘Olympics’ is in part an echo of the fear of time ebbing away, the lack of ‘glory’ in my own life and my reticence to give credit where it is due because I am jealous of success.
In attending the Olympics yesterday I enjoyed the feelings by proxy that they produced in me. Honour, glory and inspiration. I have lacked humility about these things and have been shown a lesson.
I will try to look at things differently from now.