Once upon a time in a land far far away….Well it seems like it is a fairytale some times – my years in the wilderness that is. In those times it was very difficult to walk down the road or through the town. Many simple things took on nightmarish proportions and my life, such as it was, was in tatters. the constant battle with my mental and emotional demons drained me of strength. I saw all those people around me doing and speaking of the places that they had been and I knew that I couldn’t experience these things because of the fear and anxiety in my life. Basically because of who I was and what I believed. Panic and anxiety are, I believe, symptoms of a fear based conflict within the inner being. Once a person can relieve some of this inner, as I see it, spiritual tension, then that person is on the road to freedom.
Some people are more damaged than others that is a fact. I believe that I was seriously damaged by this inner conflict. So much so that my recovery has and will be a lifelong thing. But that is not bad news – only a realisation.
I have taken the opportunity to show the many visitors to this site (at least 19 visits per month!!) a picture of myself at Wembley Stadium, England’s national stadium in London. The ground was starting to fill up and some kids teams were playing a game of Rugby League as a curtain raiser to the main event.
This picture is a testament to a life miraculously changed around. I would never have reached such a destination let alone gone in and stayed in!
The hours leading up to the game were at times tense and at other times fearful and anxious. This was mixed in with excitement and calmness. In fact a whole range of emotion went through me as I waited for my son to arrive off of the train.
Without recounting the whole day let me underline some important point when dealing with a situation like this:
1. I have aired all of my life’s secrets in front of a trusted adviser and been willing to face my demons. Therefore when a stressful situation arises none of them come into my mind with any real force. A guilty mind will drag up stuff in times of stress.
2. The bottom line is that one can never overcome anything like this until one actually turns up and joins in.
3. A prayer life has enabled me to leave the situation in the hands of God as best as I can. Pray, turn it over, and then turn up.
4. Eat drink and talk to people. Don’t get stuck in the trap of trying to battle with the mental stress. It won’t work. Fruitful distraction does work. Take the focus off of the self.
5. When inside I approached the medic station and told them that I might need to come and chill in their area if I got a bit het up. They were cool with that.
Bottom line is that I made the journey and turned up with a willing heart. I saw the usual anxiety for what it was – part of a pattern, and let it pass buy. I passed the time with a few people and had a walk around taking in the sites. Thus taking the focus off myself. I knew I could leave if I wanted to but put myself in the light.
The day went well and I was very pleased to have gone there and seen such a great stadium. We enjoyed the game and had a good time together. And as the occasion unfolds so does the great experience. Anxiety melts into the background and it is seen for what is really is – an illusion. Fear is not the ground of our being – love is.