Some years ago I got into the bad habit of expecting a fire and brimstone spiritual experience to consume me as soon as I had wanted it enough. The problem was that whatever was happening by way of a change of character and thinking, was not what I had had in mind as a spiritual experience. I thought that I had wanted the music and lights and all that I had got was a life where I wasn’t killing myself anymore. How I had missed the real gift.
There is a passage in The Bible where St Paul says that he had prayed 3 times for God to remove ‘this thorn from my side’ and all that he got was the grace to bare it. Important words.
Learning, becoming someone different, is an ongoing thing. It has, at its heart, the grace to bare things. And as we bare things all the journey, we start to realise that those things that have troubled us have begun to fall away into time and memory.
What are you seeking? The quick buzz, the fix, or change that lasts? Often those who have experienced sudden spiritual upheavals have little else to talk about. I wonder why that is?