I was recently talking to a confidant about the death of my friend a few months ago. There has been a definite change in my attitude and ‘ways’ since this time. But I haven’t been able to put my finger on what it is?

They said to me that sometimes a little of the faith temporarily ‘dies’ when something like this happens. I’m not sure about those terms but certainly there have been many times that I have had to re-learn, re-constitute the faith in me.

Whether a person really does this for themselves is a question. What I am trying to say is that there is a world before and a world after some events. And one cannot think or be the same after as one was before. A period of adjustment and consideration is unavoidable.

Sometimes this period seems to last a long time, others not. But nevertheless it is part of living that cannot be avoided unless a person want to ignore the situation altogether, and there is a price to pay for doing so. The noise and anxiety that ignoring the ‘call to change’ makes, takes a lot of ignoring. So much so that one will always have the ‘gnawing’ feeling in the background.

In contrast to accept the ‘call’ is to accept the inevitable anxiety that comes with this ‘re-constitution’. It seems like we are in the desert when this happens. Seeking here and there for meaning to our feeling and safety for our minds. Do we wait for God to call on us or do we seek him out? It is a dilemma.

I have experienced this many times and I see no formula or straight path through it. I do not know what way things will go or if what I am doing is right. I just go through it and my life goes on. At some point I get to see myself differently. Then I sense that what has ‘died’ was a little of what is not needed anymore.

Onward my friends.

If the answer’s God, what’s the question? So spoke an aquiantance of mine when we were talking about staying sane and being happy. It is an intriging question with many answers i suppose. There is no real getting away from the question if you have been ill or emotionally damaged. In fact I believe that this question is at the forefront of any recovery journey. You see, we either lean more toward the human for help, or more toward the divine. What I always try to ask myself is can my wounds be healed by other people or do I need something else. Then I have both question and answer. I would be interestd in your views on this.

I am so glad to have escaped the bog of my previous existence. Both the physical aspect in the people who knew and the spiritual in what I saw and believed was happening all around me.

I virtually walked away from everyone that I knew and started a new life; I was blind and very afraid but I had a lot of support, without which I couldn’t have done it. My previous circles were by no means bereft of goodness and stimulation, but they wasn’t for me. And so off I went. I now and again hear of the madness that some of my old associates are involved in and the food for thought it gives me is priceless.

When we are in a situation that is killing us emotionally, and that way of living seems like everything, it is very difficult to walk away. Indeed many people, out of fear of the unknown, stay where they are. I had to move on, and it has been one of the greatest things that I’ve ever done. The new people, things, ideas, sights that I have experiened have given me a new life that I want to expand even more. If you truly need to, you have to do it, and you will always find the way that means something to you. Onward!