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I grew up round about the South london area in West Croydon and Thornton Heath, spending a lot of time in Norbury and South Norwood. I now live in sunny Surrey by a big airport! It’s irrelevant really but at least you know that you’re talking to a real person.
I was never quite right for one reason or another but finally plunged into mental health problems around my late teens and early 20′s especially. I suppose that I really started getting better around my late 20′s early 30′s but crashed and burned when I was 40. That crash was so catastrophic that it has changed everything. This blog is the result of that and the years leading up to it.
The source of my problems is not the issue here today. All I have to think about these days is whether I am living in the light or in the dark. As I’ve been given a second chance at living, my only decision is to accept or reject that chance. I fully accept the necessity for assessment of character flaws and attitudes but feel that sometimes one just has to leave it alone and move on. I feel that this is one of those times for me.
For many years I didn’t even know such choices existed. Pain had warped my vision and all I saw was panic, fear, worry, and lies. No wonder I did the things I did and behaved the way I did. I never set out to be expelled from three secondary schools and go to a children’s home, nearly drink myself to death, or go to prison and the asylum. I never set out to wake up in fear and live out the days running from panic and dread. And I certainly didn’t want to end up an unemployable ponce. But these things I did, and I became so anxious about almost everything that it paralyzed me.
This blog is primarily about anxiety and panic. But I hope it is also about much more than that. It is a celebration of life and an encouragement to all who have – or are suffering from – dread fears to live again. It can be done.
I am happy so much of the time these days that when I am uncomfortable I know something is wrong. It used to be the other way around! I know what it is to have all the greatest things that this life has to offer and I know what it is to be free from the fears that eroded my life and spirit. I am not perfect and there is much about myself that needs changing. But we all have the capacity to turn a corner and realise that we are not what we once were.
I am hopeful that this blog will help some people out. Any suggestions or thoughts will always be entertained. I hope that you can spend a while reading through a few posts, and if you feel strongly about anything leave a comment. I will also post any stories of recovery and hope that you send me. Please keep them to about 500ish words for the time being. If you have any links that you think are worth looking at send me the address and I will post them.
Many thanks for stopping by. I am grateful for my life and everything in it.