I was recently talking to a confidant about the death of my friend a few months ago. There has been a definite change in my attitude and ‘ways’ since this time. But I haven’t been able to put my finger on what it is?
They said to me that sometimes a little of the faith temporarily ‘dies’ when something like this happens. I’m not sure about those terms but certainly there have been many times that I have had to re-learn, re-constitute the faith in me.
Whether a person really does this for themselves is a question. What I am trying to say is that there is a world before and a world after some events. And one cannot think or be the same after as one was before. A period of adjustment and consideration is unavoidable.
Sometimes this period seems to last a long time, others not. But nevertheless it is part of living that cannot be avoided unless a person want to ignore the situation altogether, and there is a price to pay for doing so. The noise and anxiety that ignoring the ‘call to change’ makes, takes a lot of ignoring. So much so that one will always have the ‘gnawing’ feeling in the background.
In contrast to accept the ‘call’ is to accept the inevitable anxiety that comes with this ‘re-constitution’. It seems like we are in the desert when this happens. Seeking here and there for meaning to our feeling and safety for our minds. Do we wait for God to call on us or do we seek him out? It is a dilemma.
I have experienced this many times and I see no formula or straight path through it. I do not know what way things will go or if what I am doing is right. I just go through it and my life goes on. At some point I get to see myself differently. Then I sense that what has ‘died’ was a little of what is not needed anymore.
Onward my friends.