Faith ebbs and flows?

I was recently talking to a confidant about the death of my friend a few months ago. There has been a definite change in my attitude and ‘ways’ since this time. But I haven’t been able to put my finger on what it is?

They said to me that sometimes a little of the faith temporarily ‘dies’ when something like this happens. I’m not sure about those terms but certainly there have been many times that I have had to re-learn, re-constitute the faith in me.

Whether a person really does this for themselves is a question. What I am trying to say is that there is a world before and a world after some events. And one cannot think or be the same after as one was before. A period of adjustment and consideration is unavoidable.

Sometimes this period seems to last a long time, others not. But nevertheless it is part of living that cannot be avoided unless a person want to ignore the situation altogether, and there is a price to pay for doing so. The noise and anxiety that ignoring the ‘call to change’ makes, takes a lot of ignoring. So much so that one will always have the ‘gnawing’ feeling in the background.

In contrast to accept the ‘call’ is to accept the inevitable anxiety that comes with this ‘re-constitution’. It seems like we are in the desert when this happens. Seeking here and there for meaning to our feeling and safety for our minds. Do we wait for God to call on us or do we seek him out? It is a dilemma.

I have experienced this many times and I see no formula or straight path through it. I do not know what way things will go or if what I am doing is right. I just go through it and my life goes on. At some point I get to see myself differently. Then I sense that what has ‘died’ was a little of what is not needed anymore.

Onward my friends.

Great expectations

Some years ago I got into the bad habit of expecting a fire and brimstone spiritual experience to consume me as soon as I had wanted it enough. The problem was that whatever was happening by way of a change of character and thinking, was not what I had had in mind as a spiritual experience. I thought that I had wanted the music and lights and all that I had got was a life where I wasn’t killing myself anymore. How I had missed the real gift.

There is a passage in The Bible where St Paul says that he had prayed 3 times for God to remove ‘this thorn from my side’ and all that he got was the grace to bare it. Important words.

Learning, becoming someone different, is an ongoing thing. It has, at its heart, the grace to bare things. And as we bare things all the journey, we start to realise that those things that have troubled us have begun to fall away into time and memory.

What are you seeking? The quick buzz, the fix, or change that lasts? Often those who have experienced sudden spiritual upheavals have little else to talk about. I wonder why that is?

Wisdom

Good friends. An interlude from the most interesting work of Dr Claire Weekes.  I have been working hard and haven’t had the time to put a new post together yet. My thanks to those 10-20 of you who visit this site per month. Yes per month. I thought the content was engaging and/or interesting of sorts, but alas, I have bombed out and come up short in the blogging stakes.

I have, nevertheless, been enjoying this style of interaction and I hope that some of this mighty number of visitors will have gained something from my thoughts. As yet I have received 0 emails and no comments that were not spam or incoherent.

On the subject of wisdom, I have come to the conclusion that to be wise is to know that trust and honesty with God and another human being coupled with some selfless giving with him in mind keeps one sane!

There is of course practical wisdom or I suppose….common sense. And there are wordy arguments that prove 1 point but miss another. All wisdom in one sense or another I suppose?

But to paraphrase from the sagacious lips of Confucius, there are 3 ways to gain wisdom.

1. through reflection which is the noblest way.

2. through imitation which is the easiest way.

3. and through experience which is the bitterest way.

I was once working with a guy to whom I was trying to explain some proverbial biblical sayings. During my ‘lecture’ plus few examples eg ‘one cannot straighten what is crooked etc he piped up, ‘yes, buy one get one free’!

His retort stopped me in my tracks and was of course wise in its own way.

Hope your anxiety and panic disorder is manageable and diminishing. Seek the light and put yourselves in places where you can heal. This is wise in itself.

Claire Weekes. Breakdown and Guilt.

I have been trying to summarise certain passages from Claire Weekes’ book Self Help For Your Nerves. She is convinced that recovery from nervous breakdown is possible once certain understandings have been shown to the sufferer. The sufferer themselves must be willing to accept certain facts, do certain things, and let time be part of the healing process.

Her thoughts on the 2 different types of breakdown (simple and complicated) were followed by some of the complications themselves. We started with sorrow and will now brush on guilt.

According to Dr Weekes, if guilt is an action that we have done, as opposed to something that has come from outside of us, we should be ready to ‘confess’ and make reparation.

If confession and reparation do not seem to have much immediate effect do not be disappointed as the nervous system may still be fatigued and will tend to supplant new guilt for old.

This is because the nervous system is still unbalanced and exhausted by constant thinking and focus on the problems it has been facing. Once informed with the right information about such we will be able to see the guilt for what it is, namely the dysfunction of our system and thought process.

Guilt alone can cause breakdown but it is more usual that a guilt complex arises during an already established breakdown. The mind, made super sensitive and non-resilient by fatigue, latches on to any guilt, real or imagined. This may persist for a while as the mind searches for things to replace that which we are trying to get rid of.

We must try to unburden the self by speaking closely with our adviser and making amends where possible. And should not dwell on the possibility that this un-burdening is lasting or not as when we are ‘cured’ we will ‘feel’ these things less acutely and be able to see ourselves and what is going on from a more rational perspective. TO BE CONTINUED

(From my own experience I believe that when I eventually ‘broke’, the catastrophic feelings of guilt came afterward. In fact quite closely afterward. I then confused everything I was going through with guilt on the dastardly things that I had done in my life. The guilt became a filter for everything else and I was blinded and laid low by it. It was an un-speakable catastophy that took many years to recover from. My major mistake was trying to put myself back together alone and hiding my true thoughts from everyone. Hence the pain and near madness continued to rule my life. The finding of a true confidant, the ‘confession’ and the willingness to try make amends eased the anguish. Not all at once, but enough to see the light. True peace I have known now. So yes we can be ‘cured’ of breakdown if we can be open to the healing of our broken selves.  )